Identity Crisis?
by katbybee
Summary: Just a bit of fun with a current social issue that got me to wondering just how the team might deal with it... not to be taken seriously! We haven't heard from a particular scalawag in a while, so I thought I would enlist his help in pulling this one off!


**Honolulu, HI**

 **Present Day**

Sgt. Duke Lukela, HPD, had tangled with a lot of weirdos in his day, and he knew all the dodges. Knew a lot of the more famous-or infamous-bad guys on the island as well. Sang Min was an enigma in his books. The man was a criminal, there was no doubt about that. He'd been in and out of prison for more years than Duke cared to remember... certainly for most of Duke's career so far. In fact, Duke had the dubious distinction of being listed as the arresting officer on Sang Min's very first arrest report... at the ripe old age of nine years old. He was also a valuable asset and friend to the 5-0 task force.

To say that the Duke and Sang Min went back a long ways was understating the case just a bit. Which was the only reason Duke was putting up with Sang Min's current nonsense. Sang Min had shown up back on the streets after being released from prison, and had been keeping a fairly low profile, and managing to keep himself out of trouble. That is, until this morning. Apparently, he had run out of cash, and concocted a scheme to remedy the situation in a less than legal fashion.

Unfortunately for him, Duke happened upon the scene and caught him. Now he was sitting in the back of Duke's patrol car insisting he needed to talk urgently with Steve McGarrett personally. He had information for him and had only engineered his arrest so that he could legitimately talk to the head honcho without damaging his reputation on the streets. This was a notion that Lukela had serious doubts about, but he called Steve, who agreed to meet them at the Palace. He was also doing some other ranting that Lukela flatly ignored. He figured prison must have finally messed with the man's head.

Duke dropped his prisoner off with Junior and Tani, who were waiting for him outside on the front steps. Immediately, Sang Min went into the same schtick he used to pull on Kono. His hands were cuffed in front of him at the time, and he made the mistake of reaching out and brushing Tanis's arm with his cuffed hands. He got no further with Tani then he had with her predecessor. In fact, Tani was even more graphic with him than Kono had been. She calmly looked him in the eye and told him what she would remove from his anatomy and how many miles he would have to swim in order to retrieve them if he ever even considered touching her or leering at her again. She then had Duke uncuff him, and she took over the prisoner... and relocked his arms behind his back. Sang Min's eyes crossed a bit when she nearly crushed his knuckles in the process.

Junior shook his head. "Dumb move, brah. Don't mess with her, I'm tellin' ya."

Sang Min winced, but kept his mouth shut. He knew he'd deserved what he got. He smiled to himself. _Score one for the new girl!_

As they reached the top of the steps and Junior began looking over the arrest report, Sang Min suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and stared at him. "The facts on the arrest report are wrong."

"What are you talking about? It looks like a pretty cut and dried report to me. What's inaccurate about it? Come on, let's go. You wanna see Commander McGarrett or not?"

Sang Min insisted, "I do, but the man's got a right to the facts."

Now, Junior had never met Sang Min before, or he might have recognized the glint in the other man's eyes. Might have spotted the spark of mischief that meant the man was up to something. But he hadn't, and he didn't. Junior sighed and asked the prisoner, "So what exactly is inaccurate about this report?"

Sang Min grinned. "The cops put me down as 'Male'"

Junior raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, well, you don't look female. And your rap sheet lists you as male. Never been an issue before."

If possible, Sang Min's thousand-watt grin grew even brighter. "Wrong, brah. See, while I was at the halfway house, I been seein' a therapist an' she helped me figure out my true identity."

Here, Tani broke in. She had been hearing a lot of psycho-babble on the talk-shows lately and she had a sinking feeling about where this was headed. "Excuse me brah, your 'true identity?'"

"10-4" the suspect crowed. "You guys can't legally hold me, because you don't have the proper facilities here. I told Lukela all this, but he just ignored me."

Junior was beginning to wish he had followed Lukela's example , but he sighed and pressed on. "Okay, I'll bite. You've been locked up here plenty of times. What makes this time different?"

Sang Min tossed his glossy black hair out of his dark eyes and stared seriously at Junior. "Because you don't have the ability to properly care for me." He drew himself up grandly. "I identify as a cat."

Junior and Tani stared at each other in disbelief and then Junior looked back at the suspect, unsure if he was pulling his leg. "You're kidding me!"

Tani, on the other hand, didn't bother. She'd had it. "Let's go, brah. You wanna see McGarrett, fine."

She gave him a small shove to get him moving again, and a short time later, Sang Min found himself in the basement interrogation room of the Palace. He frowned a little. He was about 90% sure his dodge would work. On the other hand, if McGarrett was in a bad mood... it might not. On the other hand, fleecing tourists was practically a national pastime. On the other hand...

The heavy door flew open and in marched a very angry Steve McGarrett and a manically smirking Danny Williams. Danny said nothing, but simply shut the door gently and leaned up against the wall grinning, obviously there simply to enjoy the show.

Steve, on the other hand, was livid, and advanced on the prisoner. He got right in Sang Min's face. "A cat? Are you serious right now, brah? You think we can't toss you back in the joint? You think we can't toss your ass in a cell because you think you're a CAT?"

"My therapist says I have a legal right to my claim and you have to accommodate it. And my needs as a cat cannot be fulfilled in a prison. Therefore, I cannot go to jail."

Danny couldn't help it. He started laughing. "I gotta admit, that's a new one."

Sang Min glared at him. "It's also legal. Look it up."

Danny rubbed his chin, his eyes sparkling. He would have responded but Steve beat him to it.

"So you think you can't go to prison because you think you're a cat."

Sang Min nodded, his eyes taunting, challenging. "You can't accommodate my needs."

Steve smiled dangerously. " _Watch me_." With that, he turned and stalked out of the room, Danny on his heels, smirking.

Sang Min was left to cool his heels for two hours. The door opened once again, and Steve and Danny walked in, their arms full of recent purchases. Sang Min's eyes widened as he watched the former SEAL hold up each item in turn and deliver a rapid-fire monologue.

"Food and water bowl combo; Danny picked that out. Disturbs me he remembered you like red, but hey, whatever. Cat food; hope you like tuna flavored-they were out of chicken. Cat bed; good luck fitting into it, but that's your problem. Cat toys; I doubt you'll have time to get bored-again, good luck with that. And, last but not least, we got your basic cat care Tri-Fecta; a litter box, litter and scoop."

He dropped the litter box onto the floor with a thump and leaned in towards Sang Min. "Your little stunt today is sending your ass back to prison, genius. Dunno why you wanna go back but that's on you. But I guarantee _nobody_ is gonna clean your litter box, brah!"

And with that, Steve and Danny walked out and left him alone again.

Sang Min sighed _. Damn. Well, it had been worth a shot..._

 **~The End~**

 **A/N:** Yes, I am aware Will Yun Lee is starring in "The Good Doctor" but I miss Sang Min!


End file.
